Izabella

Just because it's been awhile...

Va-ca-tion!

I have been lax in posting...many appologies.  The last week has been glorious indeed. 

Last Monday was my one and only final exam. (which I did very well on, BTW).  I officially have a 4.0 GPA!  It is a strange sensation having conscious knowledge of smarts.  I have known that I'm not stupid...but it hasn't been a conscious thought, nor have I had the ammunition against the enemy who tells me so often that my brain power went away with the drug use years ago.   As in, "you USED to be smart, Izi.  But you jacked that away.  YOU jacked it away!"     No. I am NOT stupid!  And My God is a redemptive God!  And He has deemed it time to show me that I am in fact, smarter than ever.  It's not a cocky thing... Just good ammunition to not settle for less than I am worth.  As a girl, that is where so many of us fall down.  Believing the lie that we're not worth more.

A sweet friend is a good example of that.  She married so far beneath her...and now, finally, it's over.  I've watched her suffer for all these years, as he demeaned her and put her down.  He knew she is smarter and a much better person than he is, and it threatened him.  So he made her believe she is stupid and naive.  When you're told the same thing every day for years, you start to believe it.  More so when it's said by someone who claims to love you.  But she's finally come into the light of knowledge of truth.  And the dawn arising in her is beautiful to see!  Freedom comes with the knowledge of truth- the truth of who we really are.  She isn't the terrible things he has yelled at her over and over.  And I am not the things my enemy has yelled at me over and over.  I have a brain, and it works just fine thank you very much.  I have a 4.0 in my first semester of school in 25 years.  That's not stupid.

So back to last week.  I worked my two days at the job that isn't a job.  I have so much fun in that place- I LOVE it!  Kevin Jackson was in this week, so I got my first tiny lesson in live sound engineering.  There will be more to come!  :)  I've already learned the fundamentals of stage lighting, and will practice that again on Sunday morning.   The rest of the week was spent with something I haven't done in YEARS...  I slept til I woke up, took long walks in these gorgeous hills, read (non-textbook) til I couldn't hold my eyes open, then napped in the sun.  Dinners were followed by good conversation, movies, and knitting (which relaxes me).  It was the most GLORIOUS week! And oh, how my body has needed the rest!   This week is more of the same.  I had a four hour lunch followed by a long walk with a dear friend yesterday, am volunteering at a plant nursery this afternoon (bundling geraniums for delivery to hospice), "work" Wed and Thurs, lunch at a castle is planned for Friday, and hiking/reading/ basking in beauty on Saturday.  Sunday is the Indy 500 (THE 'religious' holiday for my family), Monday will be spent reading and gearing up for the start of summer classes on Tuesday.    And although I have 15 credit hours over the summer, they are spaced so it feels like vacation...sleeping in late, time to walk, and lots of art...what could be better?

Life is good!

Do You Know What Day It Is?

One year ago today...I can't believe it's been that long!  What a long, strange trip it's been.  :)  So many changes.  In a way, it feels like a lifetime ago.  I feel so far removed from it that sometimes I don't even remember what it was like.  I had no idea that day that a year later I would be back in NY and in school full time.  Or living in this magnificent house.  Or working in "real" ministry at a church.  I kind of can't even fathom all I've learned and done this year!   Looking back, it is so beautiful to see how God has provided my every need.  I am well-fed, live in a fantastic and huge house, have a contract on my house in TN (and several backup offers!), and have not wanted for much.  How is all of that even possible without a 'real' job, except for my God.

One year ago today, was the last day of Izabella Day Spa located in the Factory, Franklin, TN.   One year ago right this minute 12 friends were helping move out equipment and strip that place bare.  One year ago today I had the most profound sense of freedom mixed with fear.  Utter relief and profound sadness.  One year ago today, God started working to take the workaholic out of me...  He's made really good progress.  One year ago today, my body started healing from nearly 4 years of incrediblestress.  One year ago today I started singing... "I'm Frrreeeeeeee!"    One year ago today, God started providing enough freelance work to sustain me financially.  One year ago today, God told me the significance of the date He had planned from the beginning of time for me to close the doors for the last time:  Five is the number of Grace, Seven is the number of Completion or Perfection, and Eight is the number of New Beginnings.  05-07-08.  He had given me the grace to do the work He had called me to, He had completed what He wanted to accomplish in me and through me there, and it was time to start something completely new. 

What a glorious year it's been!

Share some memories with me.  It really was quite a place, wasn't it?

 

 

Things I didn't know about college...

Finals are next week.  Or should I say, one final is next week.  :)   I have been stressing some about the amount of work I have to do to be really ready- and I mean really ready.  I coasted through high school without much work to end up with a 3.4 GPA.  But that is not acceptable to me now. (something about wisdom with age?)  I am determined to do WELL.  (not that a 3.4 isn't good, but it's no longer good enough)  

 A few days ago I was handed the most amazing gift... I don't have to take a final exam in three of my classes!   Who knew smart kids don't have to take finals?  (obviously, I wasn't' smart enough before)  And I want to share my confusion at my Anthro prof's absolute giddy-ness at my agreeing to take his Honors class in the fall.  I can still back out, but know down inside somewhere that God is not finished with this man, and somehow, I'm the link.  God had purpose in putting me in his nemesis of a class, and He isn't finished yet.  I think I'll just be adding it, so am looking at 19 credit hours fall term.  Yikes!

Back to the main point of this rambling post...I don't have to take Final Exams!!!

Sunday, Sunday (bah, bah, ba-ba-bap-bah)

For the second time in my life, I spoke in church today. 

In an effort to "get you involved" right away, Vaughn had me give the opening welcome and scripture reading this morning.  I wasn't nervous about speaking...and it came surprisingly easy.  But I was nervous about getting up that early! (God woke me in time-why was I worried?)  I'm not sure what God is preparing me for, but I love that Victory is my training ground.  It's good to be learning the next step in ministry for me in a place where I've been loved well.

My little brother came over tonight for a haircut.  Such a good time!  We haven't really had time like this since I've been here.  He has a new baby, I have a whole new life,...  We've seen each other frequently (he's a pastor at Victory- I see him in the office), and talked on the phone here and there, but we haven't had a relaxed time of just us to really talk until tonight. (and he hasn't had an Iz-cut in years...weird.) I find it ironic that as I arrived back here, God told them to leave.  They hadn't known where God wanted them to go, but knew He was saying "It's time to go".  Jay actually put in his resignation at the church without knowing where they would be going- which I am incredibly proud of him for doing!  He heard God speak, and the very next day gave his resignation. If you knew Jay, you'd know what a big deal that is!  He's not a man that makes decisions easily. People think he's crazy to leave, but I totally get it. 

 In the Wesleyan denomination, pastors get moved around in July.  If you're going to resign or want to be reassigned to another church,you can do that at any time, but you won't be moved until July.  You "candidate" (interview with the board and preach) in the churches that are looking for a pastor, the congregations vote, then in July you move.  It is coming up pretty quickly, and they haven't known where God wants them to go...until this weekend.  Maine.  They actually haven't been out there yet, but God has said it clearly to both of them, and confirmed it to me among others.  I am sad to not have more time with Jay and his sweet little family, but am so excited for this new adventure for them!  God is going to grow a Senior Pastor out of him.  :)  

I find the month of July this year really interesting.  God has been speaking a lot about July and it will be interesting to see how it all plays out.  (and see if I've heard God correctly...)

In the meantime, there is one more week of classes before finals.  I'm not ready yet!!  I've been working on my final English essay all afternoon, and have SO MUCH work to do in Geography and Anthro.  It's going to be a long week bent over the books! 

Honors honor

Today as I was packin' up to leave Anthropology my prof pulled me aside to say these words:  "Iz, are you going to be here in the fall?  I would really love to have you in my Honors Forum class!  It's for only the brightest students.  I think you'd enjoy it."     

Okay, I'VE PULLED A "D" ON ALL THE EXAMS I'VE TAKEN IN YOUR CLASS!!!   (And I've NEVER had a "D" in my life!)  Yes, I HAVE done an extraordinary amount of extra credit work. Yes, I do all my research online.  Yes, I have been counting the days until your class is OVER.  But Yes, I understand what an honors class means on a transcript.     Wouldn't you know it... the class I have stressed over the most, the class I still haven't figured out what he's looking for, the class I have loathed because I don't feel like I'm learning anything...  THAT'S the class I get nominated for the Honors program!   Of course...

Seriously, I am going to have to log in some serious prayer on this.  My fall schedule is rockin' full right now.  The school limits us to 15 credit hours, and I'm already fighting to do 16.  And although 3 of the 5 proposed are upper level courses, they aren't "honors" classes.   Two of the fall classes are art, so technically, I could drop one for the honors class.  But I really WANT to do both of them...  Creative outlet is becoming more vital as I get further out of the makeup/hair world.  I have to have creative outflow or be mad.  (as in, insane)

So here's the question:  Is it better on a transcript to have a 4.0 GPA in "regular" classes, or have a 3.0 but in honors?  (It's a heavy schedule, and I've fought so much in his class now...I'm not sure I could sustain a 4.0)   Any thoughts?  Advice?

A little silliness over the books

It's late, and I'm tired.  And just in case you were wondering, this is what I look like to my textbooks.  HA! 

 

Anthropology looks like this:

 

Thankfully, there are only two more weeks of Anthro...Four more classes...Then I'm FREEEEEEEEE! And I'll look like this over Graphic Design and Early Childhood Education.  Because those things go together...   Don't mock me.    Hooray for "Alternative Student" status!

Nearing the End

We're on the homestretch now...only two more weeks of Cultural Anthropology!  HOORAY!!   The end of that class cannot come soon enough.  Seriously.  But I did have an insight last night as to what this struggle has all been about. 

I've finally gotten my old bible study grrls back together.  I have seriously missed these grrls. The collective insight and wisdom around the table is staggering and refreshing.  We're going through Eldredge's book "Walking with God" (which makes my 6th reading of it).   At the end of our time we always go around the circle praying for each other.  Let me tell you, God answers the prayers of these women!  They are well-connected grrls.   So when they talk, I tend to listen.  Many, many times, God has spoken big things through this group. 

So we were sharing what's up right now-what's pressing on us.  My struggle in Anthro is an ongoing theme.  Shelley looks at me and says, "What great practice for when you will live in an atheistic society."  BAM!  How have I not thought of it that way?!  I am trying to get approved with OM to live in Europe- which in today's world, has "no need" of God.  "Surrounded by atheists".    Okay, God.  Teach me.  I am willing to learn...    

It makes me wonder what that will be like, and marvel that God brought me back to NY as part of that transition.  Nashville is an isolated world of Christianity.  Even if it's not about relationship, but about culture in most of the area, people there are still "Christian".  You're not looked down on if you pray over a meal in a restaurant.  Here?...   Well, that's a different story.    I do belong to a church of 1500... So there are Christians here. But it is not Nashville.  Within a year, I will be in a place with less even than here.  What will that be like?  To be one of maybe a few dozen Christians in a town?   God really did have a reason for putting me in that class...

Saturday Afternoon

Today was a glorious day!  Sharyl is having an open house this weekend and some other prospective buyers came in today, so yesterday was spent cleaning!  And I mean, 3400 sf is a lot of house to clean!  But it does look gorgeous.  After organizing and rearranging her office (which is nearly as big as my last house), and cleaning out the breezeway (which I'm not sure had ever been done), I could barely move by the end of the day.  But no one can accuse me of trying to sabotage her selling the house so I'll have a place to live.  It's odd to pray for the house you live in to sell quickly when you have no idea where you'll go next.  But I'm fully confident God will pull something out of his hat, so I'm not really concerned about it. 

Back to today!  I have a paper due Monday and have had the most horrific writer's block. (okay, I'm a little dramatic)  I just have not been able to get into this paper.  I knew where I wanted ot go, but needed a reference from a book I've read, but don't own.  The itty-bitty library here only has one copy...checked out.  So I put Molly in the car and drove to Barnes & Noble.  Not my fav bookstore by any means, but the only thing here.  An hour later, I had the quotes I was looking for and stood up to leave- finally looking around me.  And then the piece of the puzzle I had been missing was right there in front of me!  I LOVE when that happens!  To look at familiar surroundings with different eyes...to look at what's around me as if my life depended on my knowing every tiny detail.  The color of the carpet, the tone of the wooden shelves, the titles of sections,...  I stood there in the magazine section scribbling furiously- and my paper is nearly complete!   Amazing!

Looking for new dog food, Molly and I went to PetsMart.  She LOVED that store!  Happiness is the smile on a dog!  Because she was so happy, I let her pick out a new toy.  She chose a bright red, stuffed wiener dog with a silly grin on it's face.  Bright red toy, yellow dog... She was a sight carrying that thing around the store!  Wouldn't let me put it in the bag, either.  She carried it proudly out to the car all by herself.  There were, of course, lots of comments from passerby. 

On the way home, I stopped at the brand-new Walgreen's (we've hit the big time now) to see about having some Africa pics printed to plaster my cubicle at work with giant photos of haunting eyes and faces. (so those passing by will cry and want to support the Adziwa project- Brilliant, no?)  With an hour to kill before I could pick up my order, and the weather being 70 degrees and mostly sunny, Molly and I took a walk.  My sweet, tiny town nestled in the hills.  Picture downtown Franklin, but with a longer Main Street (Market St here), a real square (it is actually square, with a bandstand and small park), a sweet river a block away, and mountains all around.  It really is a great little town.  We walked along Market St, through the square, and over the walking bridge.  Then along the levy, with the wind in our faces and the sun shining happy rays of delight.  

Tonight, we roommates had one of my fav desserts over a DVD. (Seven Pounds...very heavy, but arty and well done) Remember, dessert is something new for me, so it's always a spectacular thing!  Don't eat a grain of sugar for 25 yrs, then go back to it...you'll see what I mean.   This one is a Czech tradition and is basically a banana split without the ice cream.  Banana, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, and nuts.  It is divine!  I love it!!  The only thing better is cheesecake.  Tonight I wondered if it would be good on top of a cheesecake.  We'll have to see.  :)

So there you have it, folks.  Thanks for spending Saturday afternoon with me.  I loved having you along!

Oh What a Day

I've been lax in my postings here as I spent a glorious week (second spring break) in warm (well, warmer than NY) Nashville!  I MISS my peeps there!  Who but Amy greets people by jumping up and down, squealing?  You just can't beat that with anything.    And the pleasure of giving Caleb his very first Iz sculpture cut?  Priceless.   Other highlights (in no particular order)... Church at Rolling Hills Community (great vibe!), dinner w/ the Jarnagins' (always a pleasure, but Chad let me pick his "worship brain"),  late night talks with Jenni, dinner with Mike and Brit (then a tour of their rockin' new home),  my very first Guinness and conversation session with Jen & Shelia (oh, I want to make that a weekly habit...Glorious!), seeing Philly (I miss that kid!), Palmas with Mo, Curt, and Heather, massage with Laura (she's amazing at finding my pain places), and all the conversation and hair and more conversation,...  And Molly survived her surgery! (anesthetic is hard on an 11 year old dog) It was a GOOD week!  I have some pretty fantastic friends.

Driving home was long.  It always is.  12 hours in the car with no relief driver is never really fun.  But I've never totally hated it.  (okay, there have been a few times I've hated it).   But it is familiar.  I have driven that route at least 18 times over the last five years.  Yes, 18.  Somehow, I seem to have responsibilities in the place I am not.  But I don't really mind.   I would be nice to have a relief driver sometimes though... If only I could teach Molly to drive. 

Today at Victory Hwy was aspectacular celebration!  Vaughn planned a rockin' worship lineup and Steve was on fire with his sermon.  It was FUN!  Really a fantastic celebration of what today is.  My Savior LIVES!

Sharyl and I hosted dinner here at the house.  Good food, good friends, new friends, great conversation, laughter, laughter, and more laughter, ...  Who could ask for more?   It's been 7 hours since we sat down at the table and I am still full. 

I have some homework to get done tonight, but nothing too pressing.  And tomorrow I go back to work!  I'm not sure I remember the last time I loved a job as much.    Life is GOOD.

P.S.  He's been funny while I've been on Lent!  I've missed his wit and words...   Whew.  Glad Lent is over.